i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
