I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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