yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
