i just sent this text using only my big toe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
