Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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