I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
