I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
