just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
