Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
worst night to have a conscience
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
