some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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