I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
