You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize