i would punch a child for taco bell
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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