i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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