i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
