Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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