That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
