I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
