its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
