Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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