I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
