Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
