I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
