dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
