Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
