I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
