Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
babies were throwing up all over the place
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
