This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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