Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
