He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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