walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
