What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
