He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
