she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
