My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Enjoy the penises
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