OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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