he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize