I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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