last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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