had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
