1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
