my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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