but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
