We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fuck appropriateness.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
