just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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