I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
