I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
