He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
