Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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