I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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