Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
