I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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