Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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