Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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