You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
