you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
