Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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