my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
