saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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