I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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