I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
