I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
