Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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