Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
