What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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