Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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