You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry about my life...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize