I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
