i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
