you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
