new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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