You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
