I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
