Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
