i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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