did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
