in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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