I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
