I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
